First 10 Pages – Angry Slut on a Chain by D. Santo
The script sets up a good atmosphere, but I couldn’t really tell what exactly was happening. Mostly because the action was difficult to picture. When the story begins, we’re looking through a night vision video camera, which Ashley then drops. It’s not clear if the following moments are all supposed to be from the same perspective. She then pauses in front of a mirror and adjusts her clothes, but is still holding the camera, which might be awkward. More...
Read MoreFirst 10 Pages – RIM-PDX by A. Davis
“RIM-PDX” falls into the trap that faces many science-fiction scripts: it introduces too many concepts that are never fully clarified. Instead of hooking the audience right off the bat (despite a great opening scene), it soon becomes very confusing. The beginning is indeed very visually engaging, showing a dying Irina lifted to the heaves as she is observed by Frank Gobi. Nevertheless, the subsequent newscast and conversation between Gobi and Hans are often hard to...
Read MoreFirst 10 Pages – Jingoist by J. Russell
“Jingoist” is a sci-fi concept that suffers from a lack of clarity and tends to raise a lot of questions. Because of the opening voice-over, which sometimes doesn’t match what is being shown, the audience is likely to get lost rather than hooked. It is unclear what the difference is between puppets, mannequins and humanoids. Rather, while it is clear that there is a difference in appearance, it is unclear how they came to be to live beside one another. Their...
Read MoreFirst 10 Pages – Blockworld by J. Haber
The first ten pages of “Blockworld” forecast a really fun, entertaining science-fiction story. Among its strengths are the characters, some of its ideas, and its dialogue. While “Blockworld” is slightly reminiscent of a more benevolent version of “Strange Days,” it seems to offer enough of its own material to make it stand out. For example, on p.3, there is almost a spoof of the virtual sex games in both “Demolitian Man” and...
Read MoreFirst 10 Pages – A Brand New Day
Immediately, right from its subject matter and one of its characters’ names, Casper, “A Brand New Day” begins to channel “Kids.” The opening scene nicely introduces the characters, especially aforementioned 19-year-old Casper and his 16-year-old girlfriend, Melissa. Casper comes off as a spirited guy and manages to upset Stephanie, who doesn’t trust him. While the scene is fun, it may be hard for the audience to buy that Stephanie would threaten...
Read MoreFirst 10 Pages – 5 Star (Pilot) by P. Morely
I liked the upbeat attitude in these scenes and the fast pace. However, I think it moved a bit too quickly in parts, and didn’t truly set up the universe. The initial minutes of a pilot are crucial to keep an audience interested, and I think these pages will have to be reconsidered. I think the intros could have just a little bit more of a bite, both for characters and situations. I do think the information behind the signs “VICE PRESIDENT OF FOOD AND BEVERAGE”...
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