First 10 Pages – Angry Slut on a Chain by D. Santo

The script sets up a good atmosphere, but I couldn’t really tell what exactly was happening.

Mostly because the action was difficult to picture.  When the story begins, we’re looking through a night vision video camera, which Ashley then drops.  It’s not clear if the following moments are all supposed to be from the same perspective.  

She then pauses in front of a mirror and adjusts her clothes, but is still holding the camera, which might be awkward.  More important is that here’s she said to have “Hair and makeup that would make a showgirl jealous.”   Not clear if this is possible to me at this point.

Following her searching the house – still not clear if camera is on night vision.  Details of what’s described are hard to discern.

 Later Tim turns on the lights to the room – we should be told if we’re in “normal vision.”  Otherwise the lights would blast out the night vision filter.

A lot of action would be impossible to follow from the POV of the camera.  When she raises the camcorder as a weapon, our POV will just be the camera going to a different angle.  Although she turns on other cameras, the script doesn’t indicate if we’re supposed to be jumping between all these angles or not.

Format is off. The action reads like a novel and it needs to read as a script.

FK3

F10P fk3 Angry Slut on a Chain – 10 pages – David Santo_2012-01-11