Amateur screenwriters are super easy to spot. But to be fair, we’re all amateur screenwriters until we’re not. Until we sell a script or land a gig in a writer room.
And let’s be honest: a screenplay has a lot of working parts — character, dialogue, conflict, action, theme, beats, acts… it’s a heady brew of elements. And that heady brew boils down into an awful lot of specific criteria that anyone reading your script will judge it by, whether you’ve sent it in to a script contest, or a script coverage company, or an agent, or studio, or a name actor.
But the goal, as an amateur screenwriter, is to not appear as an amateur screenwriter.
Below are my most important things you can do right now, without even diving face-first into your rewrite, that can help your script’s chances, strategically, when submitting it, whether it’s to Nicholas Cage’s agent, or a big script contest, or even a script reading company like ours.
These are piddly, minor things, but they add up to so much to separate the amateur screenwriters from the professional writers.
Right now, bust open your script and check to see if you do these things which amateur writers do:
Amateur screenwriters use passive tense
What’s stronger? A or B, below?
A: We see that Jack is walking across the street.
B: Jack crosses the street.
If you selected C, you’re still drunk from last night. But if you selected B, you’re on the money.
Stick to the money.
Amateur screenwriters use too many words
Instead of this:
[screenplay]
A HUSBAND and WIFE, 40, hang out on the beach in their swimsuits. There seems to be no love going on between them, even though they are dressed sexy in the swimsuits.
His tired eyes peruse a copy of JRR Tolkien’s Lord of The Rings trilogy, reading with a voracious excitement as if reading each word for the first time.
She browses things on an iPad. Her restless eyes dart from a how to do your own Brazilian waxing to Youtube.com to a photo of Justin Bieber spanking a monkey. She starts to get turned on, so she reaches over and starts rubbing her husband’s arm.
He smiles; his sweetness is radiant despite the hot summer heat. He reaches in for a kiss.
[/screenplay]
This:
[screenplay]
A HUSBAND and WIFE (40s), read on a beach. Both half-naked, but no heat between them.
He reads Lord of The Rings. She browses her iPad. Stops on a pic of Justin Bieber spanking a monkey.
She gets turned on.
She rubs his arm.
He kisses her.
[/screenplay]
Amateur screenwriters rely on automated spellcheck
Their, they’re, there. You’re, your. Its, it’s. These things usually don’t get caught in an automated spell check. It takes eyeballs. If you want the film industry to take your script seriously, take your spelling, usage, punctuation, and script format seriously.
Other fun Amateur Hour stuff: cheating the line spacing or margins, using weird fonts, or including pictures, hyperlinks, or explanations in the script.
Amateur screenwriters write things we can’t see or hear
Don’t do this…
[screenplay]
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
JUSTIN BIEBER (28) wakes up. Handsome but dumb as drool. He’s the sort of person that you’d like to staple to an ostrich and set ablaze.
[/screenplay]
When all you need is this:
[screenplay]
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
JUSTIN BIEBER (28) wakes up. Handsome.
[/screenplay]
Amateur screenwriters use MORE’s and CONT’D’s
Every single line of your script adds to your page count. So why add lines when they’re not necessary? (Here’s the screenwriting community at Reddit’s answer.)
That is, if Jim keeps talking on the next page, and it’s pretty obvious that his dialogue is continued, so why muck up your script and add to your line count (and page count) with gobs of these hackish little MORE’s and CONT’D’s?
My advice: Only use ’em when it’s not clear without them, which is pretty infrequently, if you’re doing things correctly.
Would you like to debate this? Feel free! While you carry on the debate, the pro screenwriters will be over at the adult table drinking your milkshake.
Amateur screenwriters use scene headers wrong
Scene headers shouldn’t attract attention to themselves, or raise questions. They should serve their purpose and get out of the way as quickly as possible.
Here’s a bad scene header:
[screenplay]
EXT./INT. BOB’S APARTMENT/AUTO REPAIR SHOP — THE ENSEMBLE CAST IS BACK FOR MORE -EVENING
[/screenplay]
And here’s everything wrong with that:
a) Only use EXT./INT. when it’s absolutely necessary for clarity. Otherwise, pick one.
b) Don’t have excess space in your slug. (in this case, after the EXT./INT.)
c) Is it BOB’S APARTMENT or the AUTO REPAIR SHOP? Does he live there? Fine. Pick one. Stick with it.
d) Don’t use cute-isms like “THE ENSEMBLE CAST” or other reader asides. You’re not cute. You’re an amateur.
e) Try to stick to DAY or NIGHT. Some production-oriented folks (e.g. producers and AD’s and UPM’s) generally see anything other than DAY or NIGHT as a pain in the ass to line and schedule. It’s not a huge, huge no-no to use EVENING or DAWN or DUSK, but use them sparingly , and just know that some folks cringe when they read ’em. On the other hand, nobody cringes at DAY or NIGHT, and you can always put DUSK or whatever in the action block below the slug.
Amateur screenwriters use camera moves and “suddenly” and “We see”
We see Tyler hopping up and down on his one good leg.
No, what we actually see is a screenwriter who doesn’t know his craft. Fill your script with “We see” and “We hear” at your peril. To be clear, it’s fine to have a few camera angles/moves here and there, but don’t go overboard!
The camera moves in slowly to a MEDIUM shot of Tyler hopping on his one good leg.
Let the reader see the movie in her head. That participation is what being an audience member is all about. Spoonfeeding / directing on paper is anathema to participation.
Camera angles in the script, except when absolutely necessary to understand what the writer is intending to show, really just add visual clutter and slow down your read.
If you’re the one directing the film, use a shot list. Or storyboard.
And thinking of using suddenly? Kill it! Or try to! It’s okay to use it from time to time, but again, not on every bit of action!
SUDDENLY, Tyler is hopping up and down on his one good leg.
Write your lines cogently and with economy, and the surprise will transmit. The SUDDENLY effect will be clear. Strive to strangle your “suddenlies.”
However, in the event you’ve got a bit of a wacky surprise you’d like to foist on the reader, go ahead and do it, but let the reader off the hook. That is, let them know that what you’re saying is a bit out of left field, but that’s intentional, but using one of these: (!) Or something similar. Like so:
As soon as the doctor cuts the umbilical cord —
— The baby isn’t human(!)
Or if you really need to drive it home, underline it. Or use a yellow highlighter. (I KEED!)
Amateur screenwriters don’t make sure each and every word and line is 100% crystal clear
Most importantly, scan your script line by line, slowly. Word by word.
The point is to make sure every single word, every single phrase, every single line… is 100% absolutely irredeemably clear to the universe. Not to you. To the Morgan Freeman universe.
There can be no confusion. No ambiguity. No misinterpretation.
If you’d like to write an ambiguous script, or sow confusion, because you’d like to do that artistically, by all means, be my guest. But to pull that off you need to make sure you’re 100% clear with every single line.
If you catch yourself going too fast, slow down! Read, re-read. Read like you’re a newbie to your own script.
Can a script page be told in a half page?
Can a script half page be told in a paragraph?
Can a paragraph be told in a line?
Can a line be told in a phrase?
Can a phrase be told in a look?
Can a page be told in a look?
That’s what the pro screenwriters do. Or at least most of them. Some of them. I don’t know anymore.
<drinks beer>
Really good points, except maybe one… I can’t help feeling Justin B really is the sort of character you’d want to staple to an ostrich…
How can I disagree, Tim?
Really good article. Question: In an animated script, since it doesn’t bring the cost up or down can you use DAWN or EVENING in scene headers and some camera moves (the occasional SMASH CUT TO:)?
I don’t understand the problem with CONT’D’s as it doesn’t add any lines to your script. At least none that I’ve read. It does add clarity for script supervisors, actors, and readers who lose their place.
Number 4 is wrong. You’re suppose to do a mini character bio when you introduce a major character.
HO HO HO. No.