ZOMBIE PLAYGROUND will definitely get a reader to page 10, simply on account of two things working in the script’s favor:
1) The writer can write.
2) It’s a zombie movie, and the feelers are out for zombie movies.
The setup in Africa works, but end with a kill. Perhaps right when the suits have just driven out of the village.
Try to streamline the bacon/breakfast/kids fighting stuff. Pare down the word count. All that’s exposition/set up so we care about folks, I know, but we get it. They’re either heroes or meat. This is a zombie movie, so let’s get to the zombies faster. “Don’t bore us, get to the chorus.” – Joan Jett
In general, you know my mantra, fewer words. Snip snip snip. Think like a reader. Give me white space or give me death. Be a giving writer; not one who taketh.
I laughed out loud at “I’ll show you some pork products.”
Go for the full kill with Abe in the cage. Let’s see it. Especially if you add a kill in Africa (as I mentioned above). That first kill can be the teaser. Let’s see the gore now with Abe and see what this purple stuff’s all about.
That being said, I can see Abe’s attack coming a million miles away. Subvert our expectations. Turn this first scare into a real humdinger, and you’ll have the reader for another 10 pages, because they’ll know they’re in good hands. Original hands. This is your opportunity to set the tone of the film. Is it a comedic gorefest? If not, shouldn’t it be?