Free Script Feedback: 10 opening script pages that promise a fun sci-fi story

B. O'MalleyFree Script Feedback0 Comments

Free Script Feedback on your First 10 Pages logo

Free Script Feedback logoBlockworld by J. Haber
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The first ten pages of “Blockworld” forecast a really fun, entertaining science-fiction story. Among its strengths are the characters, some of its ideas, and its dialogue.

While “Blockworld” is slightly reminiscent of a more benevolent version of “Strange Days,” it seems to offer enough of its own material to make it stand out.

For example, on p.3, there is almost a spoof of the virtual sex games in both “Demolitian Man” and “Strange Days.” Adam and Jennifer “gyrate” in a sexual virtual reality game, while others watch them, egging them on. It is fun, but at the same time it may come off a little awkward, all things considered.

Overall, the party atmosphere works well by introduction of the story. The cutaway to the concerned neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins, not only adds to the atmosphere. It is also punctuated by a very funny entrance of their children, who tell them they’re sleepy.

The scene with the cops arriving and the eventual arrest of Adam and Chris works well too, though the subject of barcodes will have to be clarified in full later on in the script. It is unclear how the wants determine that Adam and Chris are guilty.

The interrogation of Adam features some great dialogue on p.7:


Why don’t you tell me what those things are in front of you.




No, smart-ass.  These.

He pushes the games at Adam.


“Ultimate Bloodbath 3.”  “Combat Warriors.”   “Virtuana.”


They yours?


They’re my friend’s. 


Oh yeah? Where’d he get ’em?

Adam shrugs.


Pretty fancy stuff.  Your friend must be loaded.



He cuts a lot of grass.  With those new energy-efficient lawnmowers on the market, business has been booming.

This interrogation does however raise an issue. Namely, if people are busted for possession of games, than they should also be busted for using them. However, most of the kids at the party seem to be released.

Reader PP

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