Free Script Feedback: A strong, suspenseful screenplay opening

B. O'MalleyFree Script Feedback0 Comments

Free Script Feedback on your First 10 Pages logo

Free Script Feedback logoSpammer by M. Harrop

Read the pages here.

I got hooked into these pages fairly quickly, due to the well-rendered suspense at the beginning:  there’s a guy with C4 strapped to his chest walking into a high school, who just lit his car on fire and is being directed by a guy talking in his ear via a remote earpiece.

Now that’s a damn good open.

The next sequence is visually interesting, jumping through the wires and visualizing the bits and bytes and flashes and human interactions that make up Tango’s profession, but could use a bit of NEW information as well.  Just to up the ante and keep the interest level high.

That is, anyone coming to see this film will likely know all the traditional spam tactics and topic (viagra, satellites, weight loss, click here, click there, etc.)…  And you cover all those very well, but I suspect to most of the audience, that information in your sequence will feel like “Yeah, yeah, I know that already,” and, while not a speedbump, definitely drags down your momentous, fast-paced open.

The solution:  give us just one or two NEW spam tactics real quick that we’ve never heard of.   Quickly educate even the most jaded of us internet experts in that sequence with a fast cut of something this spammer does that makes us go “Oh wow.”   You can even make it up.  But you kinda owe it to us, as the writer of a script called “Spammer” to not, well, SPAM US with stuff we probably already know.

And don’t worry about educating the uneducated about the basics of spam.  They’re not coming to see this film. They’re at home writing letters.  With pens.

The only other note is:  trim down that exchange between Tango and the girl getting ready.

Otherwise – great hook, great open. I’m aboard.

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