Script Note: How to write a sympathetic protagonist

B. O'MalleyScript-Notes-To-Go0 Comments

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Regarding all your exposition, see if you can let your exposition “walk and chew gum at the same time,” so to speak. That is, if a scene is only designed to provide exposition on X, see if you can make the scene do double duty, or triple duty, and provide exposition on Y and Z as well.

Script Note: Screenplay exposition

B. O'MalleyScript-Notes-To-Go0 Comments

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Regarding all your exposition, see if you can let your exposition “walk and chew gum at the same time,” so to speak. That is, if a scene is only designed to provide exposition on X, see if you can make the scene do double duty, or triple duty, and provide exposition on Y and Z as well.

Script Note: Confusing character positions

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Make sure each element you’re conveying is absolutely mandatory. Favor readability, entertainment, brevity, and audience clarity over making sure the reader and audience fully grasp the historical accuracy and detail you’ve obviously taken great effort to present.

Script Note: Clear writing via brief writing

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By script page ten, we know thoroughly that the film is about teleportation, and that it’s dangerous. That’s good. But what would be better is if we knew on page 1 that the SLT’s were dangerous. Plant a seed there on p. 1 or 2. Maybe someone comes out of the SLT with something just a bit off.

Script Note: Cut to the romance more quickly

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The conversations feel real. The situations feel real. The characters are alive. The story, or at least the first part of it, is clearly about a man about to be unfaithful with his wife. This is a good hook to pull readers in with. See if you can get to it a bit faster while still setting up the marriage and the kid.

Script Note: When CUT TO isn’t needed in action text

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The script has texture and realism. Now it just needs presentability. There’s a good conflict being set up. I’m aboard. Honestly, I like the story so far. Now I want to trust the writer more though. The pages can’t be such a chore do digest. Fix the typos which means less typos, more professional presentation. Don’t give them an excuse to put it down.